Death

Oh.. that word that brings on somber thoughts…When will we face it, how will it happen? Most of us never know until that very moment: exhilarating, terrifying, depressing, final… I sit here on a Saturday night 11 o’clock at night in my study…Sipping Jameson whiskey, listening to my favorite songs as they randomly play from my music library, Nietzsche was spot on when he said:Without music, life would be a mistake‘Was I right, or wrong’ By Lynyrd Skynyrd comes on…A great song, a song I like, and with my elevated spirits enhanced by erb and smooth whiskey, I feel the music in my bonesA song about the death of ones parents…I look around my study…I have crafted it well, it fits me, it is an expression of me…The ambience is my total creation…Much to the chagrin of my wife I might add, she was fooled enough to think ‘our‘ study was actually “ours”…Oh no…this is my sanctuary…I need it… I delve into great the  moments & minds of history here; explore everything from society to self, contemplate existence..The Jewish Question…lock the door and masturbate here– followed by disappointment for breaking my vow of better self control in that area ‘You’re not an animal– master your primal urges!’ I tell myself… Yes this room, more than any other, is home… It is me… as the sorrow-some song about the death of ones parents plays on, I look at the pictures that fill my walls… Great men…All dead… I am surrounded by death I realize… Straight ahead of me: Nietzsche a great mind, long dead and gone, Yukio Mishima a warrior poet, that not only spilled his guts into his  literary work but literally spilled his guts in a act of Seppuku…A Wagner poster with a funeral scene…20160508_020015.jpg

To my left, Codreanu  who was strangled, shot, mutilated with acid and buried in a nameless grave…Next to him, the Arch Angel Michael (the poster deity for Codreanu’s Iron Guard) in the process of driving a sword threw a demons neck…20160508_020021.jpg

To my right a replica painting of The ‘Oath of Horatti’, ‘It depicts a scene from a Roman legend about a dispute between two warring cities, Rome and Alba Longa, and stresses the importance of patriotism and masculine self-sacrifice for one’s country’. The brothers reach out, giving a Roman solute…Two of them will not make it back…The sisters cry in the corner, no matter who wins they will lose, as the battle is between their brothers and their husbands…20160508_020037.jpg

Behind me… Mussolini with his famous quote  on a horse giving a solar solute, so full of life and proud…What the savages did to him…How they desecrated his body…bring feeling of violence to me every-time I think about it…Next to him, the Greatest Italian, possibly, the Greatest man period: Julius Caesar, being stabbed to death by the very people he showed mercy to…20160508_020051.jpg

On top a book shelf I find the Goddess Fortune, and the Grim Reaper staring at me…Along side a picture of me and a deceased comrade hailing the camera as a friend captured the moment in time… 20160508_020101.jpg

Yea it’s safe to say, death is a thought that has preoccupied my mind for a long time.  Always present, always there…I see it manifest itself through my subconscious into my self created sanctuary… My brain…my poor brain, so many things done to it, so many memories, so many things forgotten…Drugs..Alcohol,  violent blunt traumas… have all done their share to cloud my brain…books, movies, documentaries, life experiences, thoughts, conversations, have done their part to occupy my mind…Child-hood memories…early ones are so cloudy, and fleeting…But vividly, I remember the day death entered my life…It was that moment I realized one day my parents would die, gone and never to return..What a terrifying, and depressing day…I cried all day… And something in me died that day, like  the penalty  Adam faced for eating the apple, I had been thrusted into realization of mortality; a part of  my innocence was eviscerated the very second of realization… I look at my forearm…the Grim Reaper tattooed to it with the words “Death walks behind you“.. A reminder…A much needed reminder whenever complacency comes over me….So yea death has had it’s long lasting effect on me…But not in a negative way...It is actually positive, as morbid as that sounds: a reminder, a wonder, a fear, an anticipation, a motivator…So many masks death wears… And I know I am not alone in this…There is a comfort in that.

“The average person has the most fear of death and in reality thinks most rarely about it.  The prominent one occupies himself with it most persistently but nevertheless fears it the least. The one lives blindly day to day, sinning away, only to sink down before the grim reaper. The other carefully observes his approach but then looks him in the eye, calm and composed”—– Adolf Hitler

I don’t know how many gems I have heard that great man say…But that’s definitely one of my favorites.

Occupation with death is not a fear of it, but a respect of it. How to face this moment? A ‘mors triumphalis’ (triumphal death) should be the desire of every man, but only we, independently, can decide what is a good death.For me a good death is: either very old and satisfied, or in struggle, at any moment, for something I love: a friend, family, people, nation, ideal... If I die because of the damage of the shit food  soulless capitalism encouraged me to eat and drink, or poisons tobacco that I was addicted to during my youth, then know that very last millisecond of consciousness will be filled with disappointment.. Like Enson Inoue, I believe “Live like a Man, Die like a Man, Become a Man“.. And dying because my heart gives out on me due to sloth, or gluttony is not the death of a man… Therefore I would not have died a man, and left a good impression on my loved ones…

I’m gonna miss my loved ones,and they will miss me is the sorrow of death, and ‘where do we go’ is the wonder of death…Personally I believe as Schopenhauer said: After your death you will be what you were before your birth.

Schopenhauer’s definition of death  may sound nihilistic, but it does not feel nihilistic, at least not in the ‘Mitchell Heisman’ sense… Heisman… the crazy intelligent Jew who blew his brains out all over the steps of a synagogue just to test/prove his nihilistic theory of meaningless life… No I’m the opposite, I appreciate, enjoy, and respect each living second…I have all of eternity for death, so I will value this relatively short conscious life… Didn’t Heisman know science is trying to extend life exponentially ? I look in favor at rule breaking ingenious like Aubrey De grey who attempt to extend life, but I then I look to great disappointment to the mass of people who’s thoughts are more occupied with Kim Kardashian ass.

I guess this could even be at the core of why I am a Fascist, and long for Fascism in America..I understand the benefit of a structured and scientific society…The possibilities…I also understand the shallow existence that is liberal capitalism. Hey i get to buy shit! great! The miracle of consciousness, all for the purpose of working meaningless jobs and buying meaningless shit… How ‘they’ ever pulled that one over on us… Anyways, as you  reach the end of this rant on death I leave you with the words I live by, and the words I think you too should live by, from the HagakureIn a 50-50 life or death crisis, choose death.

 

When it’s 50-50 charge forward my friend… The only way over death is through death.

Two beautiful tragic videos:

The last minutes of Yukio Mishima recreated in the absolutely wonderful  movie “Mishima life in four chapters” which intertwines 4 of his books with his real life final moments.

And how could any discussion on death be complete without the mention of the great poem on our inevitable reunion with the unknown:

And lastly, just because Death is so fuckin ‘Metal’:

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